Love Languages… or not

So let me start with the positives. The whole “five love languages” thing is definitely worth a look. It’s helpful for identifying ways in which you do and can bless other people. And for identifying the ways in which you and others prefer to have love displayed towards them (terrible sentence, I know).

The bone I have to pick is that for some reason, out of all the many Christian self-helpy kinda things that have been written over the years, the book on five love languages seems to have been added to the bible as if it’s some infallible part of theology. I don’t even know that many people who have actually read the book, yet everyone seems to know about the five love languages and talk about them as if they are the indisputable truth. I’m not saying they’re not true. I am saying they’re not in the bible, but we talk about them as if they are. No one goes around talking about having a purpose driven life or being wild at heart as if they’re concepts of biblical proportions. Of course they are biblically based (or at least I hope so), but we talk about them as if they are books, by people, and imperfect people at that. But when it comes to the five love languages, suddenly everyone’s on the band wagon talking about it like they’re part of the scriptures. “And thus He gave some to be teachers, some evangelists, some who love physical touch, some who love gifts etc…” I’m pretty sure Paul didn’t write that.

I’m quite proud of the fact that I’ve come up with a sixth love language that I’ve identified in my own life. Food. No, I’m actually serious. I love cooking food for people. Whenever I have guests I do my utmost to feed them and fatten them up. And it doesn’t fit under any of the love languages that have already been written about, cause the fact is, I hate acts of service. The odds of me doing your dishes for you are pretty low. And I’m sorry if you feel that I’m ungrateful after you do my dishes, the fact is that I simply just don’t notice these things, cause acts of service is not my love language. So when I cook food for people, it’s not an act of service. It’s one of my love languages :)

So what I’m saying is, five love languages is good, but let’s not put them on the same plane with the ten commandments and the stuff that is in the bible. The bible is from God, five love languages are a human creation only, designed to help us to show love and care for each other in ways that actually mean something to the individuals involved. Anyway. Enough ranting for now.

6 responses to “Love Languages… or not

  1. Haha yes, I’ve heard rumours of that dating book! It’s probably good for scaring 13 year olds with, keep them on the straight and narrow hehehehe. But yeah, all these books have good stuff in them, just important to remember that each person they apply to is an individual so we can’t turn them into rules of biblical proportion.

    I’m glad you enjoyed reading! Those cookies sound yum :)

  2. Absolutely. I think there are far too many books that are treated with a little too much gravity – around here, in some circles, it’s “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, by Joshua Harris. Dating is now “bad”. 5 Love Languages is, as you say, very very popular too – and again, just as you say, I’ve never read it but I know all about them! A friend from work actually told me she was lonely, because people were loving her but not using the right language so it didn’t count. (In almost those exact words.) I am also a foodie. Today I made chewy coconut lime sugar cookies for the first time and they turned out fabulously. My boyfriend’s family devoured them immediately and they got cookies while I got to watch them enjoy (I got some cookies too :)). It was a win-win situation. There are many references in the Bible to great feasts, and how food and fellowship go together – I think anyone gladly cooking for someone(s) is on the right track to fellowshipping well with them. :) (Maybe a small caveat should be: As long as you are a decent cook! :-P) Altogether, I loved this post… :)

  3. I like that perspective, the double-barreled love display of cooking, that rocks!

  4. I truly enjoyed the Rant.

    And for the record, I DO see cooking for others as a Service. :)
    Not everyone takes the time or the Trouble to show others how much we love them, and COOKING does both. Shows the Time, and TROUBLE we go through.

    God Bless.

  5. Cheers Chris, that’s encouraging, I kinda felt like I was losing coherence halfway through writing this so it’s good to know it makes sense.

    In this particular case it’s not the author that bothers me, I’m pretty sure he just thought he was writing a book like anyone else does. It’s actually us readers who have taken the whole concept to this biblical level.

  6. I completely agree with this piece – its an example of what I consider some kind of additional theology; its amazing how many authors will use scripture to justify some arbitrary thought about things.

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